Bionic Woman

Disclaimer: If you’re easily squicked, you probably shouldn’t read this post. Then again, if you’re easily squicked, you probably shouldn’t be reading this blog.

Yes, kids – it’s surgery time again. The running joke in our house is that I’m trying to become the world’s most optimized woman. If I don’t need a body part to survive, out it goes. So far, I’ve done away with my appendix, uterus, cervix, gallbladder, the plica in my right knee, and several kidney stones. That’s all in the last decade, by the way. I’ve also optimized my bladder and other girl parts. Having three kids sometimes leads to such things.

This time, my digestive system is on the menu (so to speak). I’m going in for a paraesophageal hernia repair and fundoplication. Why? Because for the past year I’ve been suffering from a severe case of GERD, which has lead to gastroparesis, among other things. In unscientific terms, I’ve spent the past 12+ months vomiting. A lot of food doesn’t digest at all. Not fun. Medication hasn’t helped significantly. After tons of tests, my gastroenterogist sent me to a thoracic surgeon to get fixed. The surgeon explained the procedures to me and remarked that patients usually only stay one night in the hospital, but “with cases as bad as yours, they usually require two nights.”

Kind of weird to hear someone else acknowledge that I really am as sick as I’ve been feeling. Not too many people know that things have been this bad. I’ve been keeping to myself a lot. It’s easier than constantly ducking out of social obligations because I’m feeling sick. I’ve been a stranger in my own life. I’m looking forward to feeling better and changing all that.

Wish me luck!

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