She thinks, we look at each other
Wondering what the other is thinking
But we never say a thing
These crimes between us grow deeper
Today’s earworm comes courtesy of my Bestest, who put lyrics from Dave Matthews Band’s “Ants Marching” in his Facebook Status this morning. While “the week ends, the week begins” is probably appropriate for going back to work after a long weekend, the song is now stuck in my head. Thanks for that.
The rest of the song resonates for different reasons. I just finished an intriguing book that talks, among other things, about not communicating effectively with others. In “The Four Agreements”, author Don Miguel Ruiz advocates not making assumptions about what someone else is thinking. Talk about it. What an easy yet complicated solution to so many of life’s problems.
Right now I’m watching a relationship between two people further disintegrate. So many of their problems are caused by not communicating effectively. And yet, I don’t think that I could ever get them to the point of just sitting down together and talking. They go through this cycle over and over. It’s nothing new. Somehow, the love in their relationship triumphs and they stay together. Or maybe that’s just wishful thinking on my part and what they really do is just settle. The crisis passes and they go back to their old ways. There’s no joy in watching this process.
So I’ve resolved that things will be different for my kids. They’ll understand that sometimes my husband, their father, my Bestest friend, and I argue. We have differences of opinion. We do things differently. We see things differently. They’ll see also that we discuss these things so that we understand each other. They’ll know that we respect each other’s right to have different opinions, different thoughts, different feelings. They’ll know that You are not Me (but that’s another song for another day).
I can’t fix my parents’ relationship. That’s not for me to do – it’s up to them. What I can do is love them both equally. I can’t choose sides. I shouldn’t have to. I can, however, honor what they’ve taught me about life and ensure that my kids grow up in a better world than I did. “We all do it the same way” – but I don’t have to. I choose to live a life of joy.